The Dinner Hour

Parenthood is cyclical. When you've gotten out of one stage for just long enough to forget, it comes around again. I'm struggling anew these days with the dinner hour. Mattie is 3. He's not old enough to entertain himself for very long, and though he wanders the house freely, I still need to keep tabs on him. When Jack was that age, I plopped him in front of the TV for 30-45 minutes, and the hour passed calmly and quietly. But, somewhere between Jack and Mattie, I removed the TV from our lives. Mattie usually spends this hour before dinner looking for attention. His strategy often entails walking up to one of his brothers and throwing himself on them, or wrestling them to the ground. If that doesn't work, he'll try hitting them with something, or throwing a toy in their direction.

I noticed recently that Mattie's afternoons and evenings were increasingly being spent in a never ending series of time outs. He desperately wants to join Jack and Elliot in their play. They spend most of their free time playing indoor floor hockey. Since Mattie doesn't understand the rules, or want to try to learn them, their 3 way matches end poorly. I usually spend the hour nursing Theo, trying to get Theo down for a nap, or making dinner (with Theo on my back if he's not fussing in his crib.) Needless to say, I don't have much time to play with Mattie either. On several recent days I gave up, and turned on the TV, but the peace was only momentary before Mattie (who's never been a big TV fan,) returned to his usual tactics.

So, I took a deep breath, and thought about how I got through this with Elliot, years ago. I recalled the "TV" chapter in Katrina Kenison's book, where she describes her own struggle to keep her youngest son occupied during the dinner hour after getting rid of their TV, and I got to work. The first night, I set Mattie up at the table with a painting project. I spent a lot of time changing the water in his brush bowl, but he had a wonderful time. The second night, I appointed Mattie official dishwasher, and filled the sink up with soapy water and non-breakable kitchen items. He went through an extra set of clothes, and made it a bit difficult for me to wash and prep food, but again, had a wonderful time. Another night, I gave in to one of his many requests to help, and let him make the cucumber salad. I peeled and sliced the cucumber, he cut the slices in half and filled the bowls. It's not always easy to manage yet another project during the dinner hour, but I've been reminded at how rewarding the little extra effort can be. Not only has Mattie stayed out of time out, but he's been much more interested in helping me out in other ways around the house. Jack and Elliot have been able to play hockey uninterrupted. And I am definitely spending less time overall interacting positively with Mattie than I was in dealing with his negative behavior.

I love that Parenthood is a journey. There's no rule book, no instructional manual, and even seasoned veterans find themselves in need of practice and reminders. So much of the person I am today has been shaped by this journey. I think about myself pre-kids, and what my path in life would have been like had I never traveled down this road. I feel like I wouldn't even recognize myself now, and what a shame that would be. I really like the person I've become.