Quotations

I have quotes hanging up all over our house. I collected them. I typed them in pretty fonts, printed them out and laminated them. I read many of them every day. Beyond that, I don't really think about them much. But, they are something that everyone else who comes into our house notices and comments on right away. Our ten year old female neighbor even lamented (with a sigh) one day, that her house doesn't have any quotes at all. Besides the ones that are hanging, I've collected many more. Sometimes I swap them out, just to surprise the kids. It started when a read a book a few years ago. (I'm a total sucker for books about any stay at home mother who has more children than I do!) The author said that she collected quotes that inspired her, so I started doing the same thing. I've actually loved collecting quotes since I was a teenager. I'm not sure if anyone I know as an adult knows this (not even Ted,) but I used to share quotes with a girlfriend in high school. We collected them, wrote them in a folded up, loose-leaf paper note, and delivered them to each other many days. We kept it up from junior high into high school.

The quotes I have around the house fall into all different catgories; some are clearly meant for the kids, others for me. But, they all have one thing in common. They embody the messages that I hope my children with take with them when they leave this home. Since so many people have asked for my list, I'm sharing it here. Happy reading!

Many hands make light work.

The real magic wand is the child’s own mind.

-Jose Ortega y Gasset

When we feel grateful, we feel full - full of love, full of inspiration, full of ideas and full of creative spirit.

Logic will get you from A to B. 

Imagination will take your everywhere.

-Albert Einstein

If we did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.

-Thomas Edison

In dwelling, live close to the ground. 

In thinking, keep it to the simple. 

In conflict, be fair and generous. 

In governing, don’t try to control. 

In work, do what you enjoy. 

In family life, be completely present.

-Tao Te Ching

Earth, we thank you for this food,

For rest and home and all things good,

For wind and rain and sun above,

But most of all for those we love.

The child must know that he is a miracle, that since the beginning of the world there hasn’t been, and until the end of the world there will not be, another child like him.

-Pablo Casals

Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.

-Pablo Picasso

There is enough on earth for everybody’s need, but not enough for everybody’s greed.

-Mahatma Gandhi

If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace.

-Thich Nhat Hanh

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.

-Theodore Roosevelt

Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could only do a little.

-Edmund Burke

The least used words by an unselfish person are I, me, my, and mine.

Prayer does not cause faith to work; faith causes prayer to work.

Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.

Men give advice; God gives guidance.

It doesn’t take strength to hold a grudge; it takes strength to let go of one.

Humility before God gives confidence before men.

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 

1 John 3:18

An anxious word weighs man down, but a kind word cheers him up.

Proverbs 12:25

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again!

Lord, I trust in you!

Do small things with great love.

-Mother Teresa

If we are together nothing is impossible. 

If we are divided all will fail.

-Winston Churchill

You can’t save time, but you can invest it.

Listening to your heart,

finding out who you are

is not simple.

It takes time for the

chatter to quiet down.

In the silence of “not doing”

we begin to know what we feel.

If we listen and hear

what is being offered,

then anything in life

can be our guide.

Listen.

When I stop speeding through life, I find the joy in each day’s doings, in the life that cannot be bought, but only discovered, created, savored, and lived.

In stillness, we find our peace. 

Knowing peace at home, we bring peace into the world.

In simplicity there is freedom – 

freedom to do less and enjoy more.

Right now, I have everything I need. 

When I honor life’s gifts with my children, I teach them abundance and strengthen their faith that their own needs will be met.

Breathing in I calm my body.

Breathing out I smile.

Dwelling in the present moment, I know this is a wonderful moment.

-Thich Nhat Hanh

In order to listen, we must first be quiet.

Earth who gives to us this food, sun who makes it ripe and good, dearest earth and dearest sun, we’ll not forget what you have done. Blessings on our meal and each other. 

Amen.

At feasts, remember that you are entertaining two guests: body and soul. What you give to the body, you presently lose; what you give to the soul, you keep forever.

-Epictetus

Work is love made visible.

“Things” are easy to give. It is much harder to give ourselves.

Nothing is too small to be noticed, and once noticed, there is nothing that can’t also be extraordinary.-Elizabeth Spencer

Prayer for Little Children

From my head to my feet

I am the image of God.

From my heart to my hands

I feel the breath of God.

When I speak with my mouth

I follow God’s will.

When I behold God

Everywhere, in mother and father,

In all dear people,

In beast and flower,

In tree and stone,

Nothing brings fear,

But love to all

That is around me.

-Rudolph Steiner

How easy it is to find ourselves sprinkling droplets over a field, spreading ourselves too thin, giving without replenishing, accomplishing nothing of real value. And so I strive to keep my garden small, but to care for it joyfully and well. We bloom here.

-Katrina Kenison

Sometimes is seems, there are discernible changes overnight. The boy who meets my gaze at the breakfast table is not the same one whose cheek I kissed the night before. And even as I marvel at the latest incarnation, I grieve for yesterday’s child, already a memory. To love them is always to let them go, bit by bit, day after day.

-Katrina Kenison

Everything requires effort; the only thing you can accomplish without it is failure. 

Keep trying!

Give others a piece of your heart, not a piece of your mind.

The best way to show my gratitude to God is to accept everything, even my problems, with joy.

Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it!

I compared notes with one of my friends who expects everything of the universe... and I found that I begin at the other extreme, expecting nothing, and am always full of thanks for moderate goods.

We are not at peace with others because we are not at peace with ourselves, and we are not at peace with ourselves because we are not at peace with God. 

Forgiveness brings freedom.

The person who loses their conscience has nothing left worth keeping.

The generous man enriches himself by giving; the miser hoards himself poor.

A Night to Remember

(Written Tuesday night.)
Do you know that feeling when you've been stuck in a negative rut? You feel like it's been going on far too long, but don't know how to turn things around? That's how I've felt lately about parenting. And it's miserable. I've had too few hours of sleep, too little patience, and not enough thanks for far too long. For me, a stay at home mom, these ruts can be overwhelming, as parenting is, basically, my whole life. So, I had to stop for a moment tonight, even though it's after 11:00, and long past my bedtime, to write this down. I had the most wonderful dinner with the boys tonight. It was so unexpected, and well, frankly, enjoyable, that I couldn't go on being thankless a moment longer. What was so special about this dinner? I got to sit down. For the entire meal. No one misbehaved. We all talked and laughed. The boys even ate. How did we manage to accomplish this? To start with, it was early. We weren't rushed. So, I took the time to call everyone upstairs when dinner was ready and insist that everyone pitch in to get it on the table. I gave the older kids several jobs, including serving their younger siblings. I made sure that the boys put my food on the table as well. And when they finally sat down, I pointed out that I was sitting down too, and would not be getting up to help anyone else during the meal. I also gave out quite a stern warning that I would not tolerate any criticisms or complaints at the table, and that anyone who did not behave politely would be asked to leave the table, and not invited back. I explained that I had cooked the meal, and that it was the only one I was making. I expected everyone to try it, and if they didn't care to eat it, they had to take care of themselves. Something in my demeanor must have signaled that I meant business (either that, or the kids were afraid I was finally going to snap.) Whichever it was, it worked. All four boys helped set the table politely, sat down nicely, and we even got to talk to each other. They each ate some of the dinner I had prepared (flounder, rice and broccoli,) but each one also had a piece of toast. Jack made his own, and Elliot graciously offered to make one for himself, Mattie and Theo. They got out everything they needed, and I was able to sit down the whole time. It was nothing short of miraculous. It hasn't happened again, and it probably won't for another year at least, but boy did I enjoy that night. And thankfully, it was just what I need to snap out of that rut.

The end of the season

Tonight was our last hockey practice of the season. As I started the oh-so-familiar routine once again, I thought how glad I was that the season was over. Like every other Monday, Wednesday and Thursday, I rushed everyone home from school, hurried to get the older boys started on their homework, raced to get dinner on the table by 4:00, packed up an evening's worth of snacks, drinks and diapers, and somehow got 4 distracted boys out of the house and into the car. Through it all, I kept telling myself, "this is the last time you have to do this this year. Just be patient and breathe, and get through this evening." It worked. We made it into the car on time, sailed through the traffic on the expressway, and pulled into the rink 15 minutes before ice time.

By this point in the year, it seems like hockey season has been going on forever. In truth, it has only been 6 months. But the commitment is so extreme, and you spend so much time at the rink, that it weighs on you. Since September, we have spent 2-3 hours at the rink, 5 days a week. And as much as I dread the rushed afternoons and the homework cramming stress, making dinner at lunch each day, and dragging four boys through rush hour traffic to and from the rink, I love hockey.

As I rounded everyone up to come back home from the rink tonight, I felt like I was leaving college for the summer, or heading home from overnight camp. Saying "goodbye," and "we'll see you in September," seemed so strange, so wrong. For each child who makes the commitment to play on a hockey team, there are parents and siblings who (willingly or not!) make the same time commitment to make it possible. During the season, the rink is a huge part of our life together. Jack and Elliot play pick-up street hockey with the older kids while they take their turns on the ice. They do their homework in the referees locker room. Mattie and Theo play in the warm waiting room with the other younger siblings. The parents chat, watching the action on the ice, and more or less keeping an eye on the little ones. For me, it's a rare opportunity to be with so many other families with 3, 4 or more children. It's a place where kids are allowed to run around, and play largely unsupervised with each other, two things I'm finding increasingly rare these days. No one puts on airs or fancy clothes to sit around the frigid rink. We all huddle together in down coats and hooded sweatshirts and complain about how hard it is to fix dinner and get homework done on hockey nights. While no one would argue about the healthiness of it, we let our kids order candy, Powerade or frozen pizza from the snack bar, and watch the them share and enjoy it. There is no fear of dirty looks or judging stares from other parents. We're a team - kids and adults, on the ice and off. To me it's simple, and wonderful, and welcoming. And, just as I knew I would, I think I miss it already.

Maybe it's time to start looking for a summer hockey league, just to get us through to September...

Fall down. Get back up. Fall down. Get back up. Fall down. Get back up. 

Hockey teaches kids more than just how to skate.

Growing Up

It's been 2 1/2 months since my last blog entry. I had no intention of taking the summer off, but apparently that's what happened. We've had an incredibly busy summer. We visited family, went to the beach and Spain. While I was MIA, the kids have been busy growing up, as usual. We celebrated two birthdays. Jack turned 9; Elliot turned 7. I feel like I can handle 7 pretty well. After all, I've had a seven year old before. But, nine, that's a different story. Somehow, it feels like I've been preoccupied by pregnancies or a new baby for so long now, that Jack went and grew up while my back was turned. He graduated to riding in the car without a booster seat this summer. He measures slightly over 54" tall. Less than one foot separates us in height. He plays out in the alley alone, and was allowed to roam the neighborhood by himself for the first time this week. Increasingly, I find myself looking at him in awe. How did he get to be so big? How have nine years gone by so quickly? How much more time do I have before he's gone, ensconced in a world of friends, or moved away to school? Thankfully, he's still more little boy than big one. He still likes to hold my hand. He still waits for a kiss good night and to be tucked in. He looks for my permission before doing just about anything. But, somehow, without the tunnel vision focus of surviving a pregnancy or new baby, I have felt just the tiniest bit of heartache when I look at the boys this summer. I find myself trying to take every moment in and savor it, before it disappears. I feel like I have to hold on at all costs, lest another nine years pass by in the blink of an eye...

va·ca·tion (n)

On our most recent road trip, we went back to the beach town where I went every summer growing up. I have so many fond memories there. It is one of the most peaceful and relaxing places I can think of. However, I found this vacation to be about as relaxing as my average day at work, which is to say, not relaxing at all.

Traveling with your children is like working from a remote location. While the scenery may be much more beautiful, it is not a break from work at all. We certainly had some of those blissful moments on our trip, when I realized that everyone was happy and enjoying themselves at the same time. No one was crying or whining, complaining or fighting. I would look around and smile, trying to take it all in and savor it, for as long as it would last. But, inevitably, the magic moment ended, and it was back to work as usual.

Vacation can be defined 4 ways.

va·ca·tion /veɪˈkeɪʃən, və-/ Show Spelled[vey-key-shuhn] – noun

1. a period of suspension of work, study, or other activity, usually used for rest, recreation, or travel; recess or holiday: 

2. a part of the year, regularly set aside, when normal activities of law courts, legislatures, etc., are suspended.

3. freedom or release from duty, business, or activity.

4. an act or instance of vacating.

But what I think I have realized on all of our family trips is that my idea of a vacation is quite different than traveling with kids. The vacation I am thinking of can only be defined one way.

va·ca·tion /veɪˈkeɪʃən, və-/ Show Spelled[vey-key-shuhn] – noun
1. a trip with no kids. 

Hopefully someday, not too many years from now, I'll get to take another one. 

Perspective

Jack and I got to spend some good quality time alone together today. He had an afternoon appointment at Children's. I picked him up early from school. We chatted the whole way there in the car. While we waited in the waiting room, we played "Chips On", the new board game he created last week. Then, after our appointment, we sat in the lobby for a while, waiting for our car to come back from valet parking. He stood mesmerized in front of the kinetic ball sculpture. I munched on a salad from Au Bon Pain. Then, I noticed a young girl sitting in a wheel chair just a few feet from Jack. She was a very recent quadruple amputee. All of her limbs were tightly bandaged, and she was still attached to an IV and oxygen. She was accompanied by a nurse, a ChildLife specialist or social worked from the hospital, and her dad. She too was entranced by the sculpture, but was silently crying. Her dad wiped her face periodically with tissues. In one instant, I felt my whole life shrink to smaller than the size of a grape. All the stress I had felt this morning over my untouched to do list, my anger over the kids bickering, my frustration watching them make mess after mess in the house, my exhaustion from Theo's night wakings, were gone. None of it mattered at all. My kids were healthy, whole, perfect in their own imperfect ways. I sat there with a huge lump in my throat, but thankful, so thankful, for that heartbreaking reminder of what is truly important in life.

Our Daily Bread

I love cooking. And bread baking. Both serve as wonderful creative outlets for me. I am not referring to being inventive or artistic, but to the deeper physical and spiritual sense of formation. I find that I have a unquenchable need to create, to produce something tangible with my hands. I fill that need in many different ways, often making a quilt, a crocheted blanket, or something edible. But bread is not only magical to watch take form, it also nourishes the body and mind. It holds within it elements of science and nature, physical nourishment for the body, and a link to our cultural history. I take immense pleasure in kneading the dough with my hands, feeling connected to the food I eat and to so many woman throughout history. The world of bread also offers a glimpse into the vast and infinite, offering as many possible recipes and techniques to fill every day of a lifetime. Do I need to go on? I am clearly nuts about baking bread!

I made my first loaf of bread on July 7th, 2008. I was at my in-laws' house in Virginia, and I made two loaves of deliciously dense 100% whole wheat bread. My wonderful mother-in-law (who also taught me how to quilt) served as my first bread baking teacher. With her help and encouragement (not to mention supplies and kitchen!) I tried my hand at bread baking. She got out one of her old favorite bread cookbooks (now MY favorite bread cookbook as well.) She had kept wonderful notes in the margins of the book, noting when she had tried a recipe and how it had turned out, and encouraged me to add to her notes. I couldn't believe how easy it was. The experience was so fulfilling and the results were so delicious, that I was hooked at once! I tried a second recipe the next day. (Note, it also helps to have a large family on hand when baking huge quantities of bread, or a very large freezer! We had about 17 people gathered together that weekend. My loaves were devoured as quickly as they came out of the oven.) My mother sent me home with her cookbook, and I've been joyfully baking bread ever since, jotting down my notes and comments alongside of my mother-in-law's. The cookbook and the skill I acquired are both treasures.

But, here's the reason I'm blogging on and on about bread. I made four loaves of Pumpkin Cider bread on Tuesday. I gave several loaves away and shared some photos of my creations, arousing quite a bit of interest among my friends in this topic. So, at their request, I'm publishing a few recipes here, along with some general tips. I'm also planning a big bread baking day at my house in a week or two, so let me know if you're interested in joining us.

Here are some basic bread baking tips.
1. Measure exactly. This is especially important when starting out. One secrets to the magical rising of bread is getting the right proportion of wet to dry ingredients, as well as having enough sugar vs salt to allow the yeast to grow rapidly. Once you're more experienced, feel free to experiment!
2. Have all your ingredients at room temp (also ok to be slightly warmer) before starting. Yeast needs a warm enviroment to grow. Ice cold flour straight out of the freezer, or cold butter inhibit growth. This shouldn't make your recipe flop, but will dramatically increase the rising time.
3. Find a nice warm place to let your dough rise. I use my oven. Some ovens have a "proof" setting, which is perfect for bread rising. But, don't worry if yours doesn't have that. Mine doesn't. I put my dough in and turn the oven on to 350 for about 30 seconds. This is just enough to get the heating element warm. Then, I turn the oven off again. The small amount of heat left in the oven is just right to keep the yeast warm and happy. I have read about other bakers using a heating pad on low setting underneath their bowl. In the summer, a sunny coutertop is probably warm enough. Whatever works.
4. Be patient! Sometime dough rises very quickly. Other times is rises very slowly. But, it always rises. If it doesn't look ready, leave it alone, but don't lose faith.
5. Proof your yeast. More details on this later.
6. Use bread flour instead of white flour. Bread flour has more gluten, and helps work with the yeast to produce an easier, faster, more consistent rise, in my opinion. I use it in place of white flour in most of my recipes. I have found it in my local supermarkets alongside the regular flours. I still use plain old whole wheat flour when called for.

Yeast:
This is the magical ingredient that makes bread what it is. I prefer (and recommend) using active dry yeast. I do not recommend "fast acting" yeast. Active dry yeast is also available in regular grocery stores, and normally comes either in a 3 pack of single serving envelopes, or a small jar. For conversion purposes, one package of yeast is 2 1/4 teaspoons. Yeast should be stored in the refrigerator until baking time. I do not worry about warming the yeast to room temp before baking, as I always add it to warm water. Active dry yeast should be "proofed" before mixing it into your dough. Proofing is another word for activating, or waking up your yeast. Yeast sort of hibernates in cool temps, and will wake up and start eating (and producing oxygen) when warmed. So, the first step when making bread should be to proof your yeast. To do so, mix it in with a small quantity (I usually use 1-2 cups) of warm liquid and some small amount of sugar from the recipe. The liquid should be about 100-120 degrees F. This is about the temp of a warm to hot bath. It should be warm to the touch, but not burn your skin. This wakes up the yeast. Then, the sugar provides something for the yeast to eat. Sugar can be in the form of honey, sugar, brown sugar, molasses, maple syrup, etc., depending on your specific recipe. Mix the sugar into the warm liquid, then stir the yeast in gently. After about 5-8 minutes, you should see foam on top of the liquid. This means the yeast has starting working already, and is ready to be mixed into your dough!

Order of ingredients:
After proofing the yest, I usually add all of the liquid ingredients, plus the sugar(s) and salt into my mixer. I use a Cuisinart XL stand mixer to do all of the mixing, and some of the kneading. If you use an electric mixer, make sure to use the dough hook attachment. You should also make sure not to exceed the maximum flour guidelines for your size mixer, or you are likely to burn out the motor. I mix the wet ingredients in the mixer, and then add the flour one cup at a time until the dough is fairly stiff and well mixed. Sometimes, especially if I am making an all or mostly whole wheat recipe, or a very large recipe, I have to add the last cup or so of flour while kneading by hand. The right consistency of the dough is wet enough that it holds together (sort of like soft play doh,) but not so wet that it is sticky. Don't worry, this is not a perfect science! Once the ingredients are well mixed, the dough needs to be kneaded for about 8-10 minutes. I usually let the dough hook do the first 5 or so minutes, and then take the dough over to my kitchen table, and knead the dough right on the floured table top. My mixer cannot handle dough that is too dry, so I often find that it looks great in the mixer, but feels too sticky when I get it over to the table. If that is the case, I knead a little bit more flour into the dough. Once it is well kneaded, I put it back into the large mixer bowl (which I have greased in the meantime,) and put it in my slightly warm oven to rise.

Knead Rise Repeat:
So, while every recipe has it's own instructions (which I may or may not follow,) there are some basic steps to making all yeast bread. They are:
1. Mix ingredients.
2. Knead bread.
3. First rise.
4. Punch down. (Which means knead risen dough for 1-2 minutes.)
5. Second rise.
6. Bake.
7. Cool and eat!!!
With a few rare exceptions, you can follow these basic steps and instructions for all yeast breads. I find that the actual bread making time is usually around 4 hours from start to finish, but the actual work time is about 30 minutes.

Tap Tap Tap
The only other tip I can think of to pass along is how to tell when your bread is done. The standard "test" for bread doneness is to take the loaf out of the oven, invert it, and tap on the bottom of the loaf. If it sounds hollow, it is done. The great thing about bread baking is that it is very forgiving. If you're not sure if it's done, test it. If it's not done, put it back in. You will not have a problem taking the bread out and putting it back in, even several times.

There is certainly a lot more to know and learn, but most of the knowledge and comfort just comes from practice. I've certainly written enough already. So get out your bread pans, and start baking! Here are the recipes:

Whole Wheat Dinner Rolls
(15 rolls)

I have been making these for dinner about once a week lately. I love that they take only a little more than an hour to make from start to finish!

1 c warm water
2 T butter or margarine
1 egg
2 c bread flour
1 1/4 c whole wheat flour
1/4 c sugar
1 t salt
3 t active dry yeast

Combine water, margarine and 1 spoonful of sugar. Gently stir in yeast. Allow yeast to proof in warm water for 5 minutes. Pour water mixture into mixing bowl. Add remaining sugar, egg and salt. Gently stir ingredients. Add flour one cup at a time until thoroughly mixed. Turn out onto a lightly floured surface and knead for 8-10 minutes. Grease mixing bowl. Place dough in bowl, turning to cover all sides. Cover with a towel, and allow to rest for 10-15 minutes. Grease bottom and sides of 9x13" pan. Divide dough into 15 equal pieces. Shape each piece into a ball. Place in pan, three across and 5 down the length of the pan. Cover and place in a warm place for 30-60 minutes, or until double in size. Dough is ready if indentation remains when touched. Bake at 375 for 12-15 minutes, or until golden brown. Cool on wire rack. (I have also made this recipe with 8-9 larger rolls instead of 12 smaller ones. When larger, they make perfect hamburger or sandwich rolls. :-) )

Honey Oatmeal  Bread
(2 loaves)
A delicious all purpose bread.

2 c boiling water
1/2 c honey
2 T butter or margarine
2 t salt
1 c uncooked rolled oats
1 pkg active dry yeast
1/4 lukewarm water
3 c whole wheat flour
1 1/2 to 2 c bread flour

In a large bowl, stir together boiling water, honey, butter, salt and rolled oats. Let stand one hour. In a small bowl, dissolve the yeast in the lukewarm water. Add to the oat mixture. Stir in 1 cup of flour at a time. Mix well. Turn out onto a lightly floured surface and knead until elastic (about 10 minutes.)Place dough in a greased bowl. Turn to coat top of dough and cover with a towel. Place in a warm spot and allow to double in bulk, about 1 to 1 1/2 hours. Turn out onto a floured surface and knead for 1-2 minutes. Divide dough and place into 2 greased loaf pans. Cover and place in a warm place until almost doubled in bulk. (About 45 minutes.) Bake at 350 for 40-50 minutes. Tops should be browned, and the bottom should sound hollow when tapped.  Cool completely on a wire rack before slicing.

Anadama Bread
(2 loaves)

This is one of my family's favorites! I love this darker, denser loaf. I think it makes great toast, or sandwiches. And it is excellent for dipping in soups or stews!

7 c flour (I used half bread flour, and half whole wheat flour)
1 1/2 c cornmeal
2 1/2 t salt
1/3 c softened butter or margarine
2 pkgs dry yeast
2 1/4 c very warm water
2/3 c molasses

Combine the molasses and water in a large bowl. Gently stir in the yeast. Allow to proof for 5 minutes. Add the butter, salt and cornmeal, mixing well. Gnely add the flour 1 cup at a time. Mix thoroughly. Follow the kneading and rising instructions as above. First rise should take 45 - 60 minutes. Second rise should take about an hour. Bake at 375 for 45 minutes, or until bread tests done.

Pumpkin Cider Bread
(4 loaves)

I recommend dividing this in half if you only have one standard sized oven. It's a huge recipe, and it's more challenging trying to cook 4 loaves evenly in one oven at the same time. It's also a lot of dough to mix and knead! This is a very light and fairly sweet recipe. I prefer darker, sourer loaves, but I got raving reviews from the friends that I passed this to. I think it would make great french toast!

1 qt cider
1/4 lb (1/2 cup) butter
1/2 c maple syrup
1 c cooked pumpkin
1 t salt
2 pkg dry yeast
1 c whole wheat flour
1 c cornmeal
10 c bread flour
(I used 2 c whole wheat and 8 c bread flour)

Follow directions as above: Heat cider, add yeast to proof. Mix remaining ingredients except flour. Add flour 1 cup at a time. Turn out on floured surface to knead, etc... Bake at 350 for 50-55 minutes. Tap for doneness.

The Calm After the Storm

There are so many things going on at our house right now. We have roofers here. A new tenant is moving in downstairs. My new housekeeper and I are still figuring out how to best work together. A new dishwasher is sitting outside in my trunk, waiting to be installed. Life is crazy. I feel crazed. At times like these, my instinct is to keep looking straight ahead and push through the chaos, waiting for the calm after the storm. Just a few more days, I tell myself. Just get through this, and things will settle down. But, in reality, they never do. Sure, the roofers will be done, the tenant moved in, Miriam and I will settle into a comfortable routine, the dishwasher will get put in. But by then, there will be new things, other things. I have to remind myself that life with four young children is busy. It's messy. It's complicated. It's hectic. It's unexpected. And it's what I wished for with all my heart. Somehow, I have to change my automated response. I need to stop holding my breath, stop waiting for that elusive calm. I need to learn to relax in the midst of the chaos. When I focus on and hold out for the future, I miss out on today. So, now, when I feel myself drifting into autopilot, I tell myself to focus on the moment, the here and now. This is the calm. Those moments I've been waiting for are right here, all around me. And through that, I relax and embrace this busy little life that is my own. There are so many sweet moments to enjoy, if only I remember to stop and take them in.