A Night to Remember

(Written Tuesday night.)
Do you know that feeling when you've been stuck in a negative rut? You feel like it's been going on far too long, but don't know how to turn things around? That's how I've felt lately about parenting. And it's miserable. I've had too few hours of sleep, too little patience, and not enough thanks for far too long. For me, a stay at home mom, these ruts can be overwhelming, as parenting is, basically, my whole life. So, I had to stop for a moment tonight, even though it's after 11:00, and long past my bedtime, to write this down. I had the most wonderful dinner with the boys tonight. It was so unexpected, and well, frankly, enjoyable, that I couldn't go on being thankless a moment longer. What was so special about this dinner? I got to sit down. For the entire meal. No one misbehaved. We all talked and laughed. The boys even ate. How did we manage to accomplish this? To start with, it was early. We weren't rushed. So, I took the time to call everyone upstairs when dinner was ready and insist that everyone pitch in to get it on the table. I gave the older kids several jobs, including serving their younger siblings. I made sure that the boys put my food on the table as well. And when they finally sat down, I pointed out that I was sitting down too, and would not be getting up to help anyone else during the meal. I also gave out quite a stern warning that I would not tolerate any criticisms or complaints at the table, and that anyone who did not behave politely would be asked to leave the table, and not invited back. I explained that I had cooked the meal, and that it was the only one I was making. I expected everyone to try it, and if they didn't care to eat it, they had to take care of themselves. Something in my demeanor must have signaled that I meant business (either that, or the kids were afraid I was finally going to snap.) Whichever it was, it worked. All four boys helped set the table politely, sat down nicely, and we even got to talk to each other. They each ate some of the dinner I had prepared (flounder, rice and broccoli,) but each one also had a piece of toast. Jack made his own, and Elliot graciously offered to make one for himself, Mattie and Theo. They got out everything they needed, and I was able to sit down the whole time. It was nothing short of miraculous. It hasn't happened again, and it probably won't for another year at least, but boy did I enjoy that night. And thankfully, it was just what I need to snap out of that rut.

Snow Days

I tend to find snow days frustrating. The few hours that the kids are in school are often the only weekday hours when I can count on getting something done. But I have found, on these days, that if I can relax and let go, giving in to the day, I am often rewarded by something only slightly short of the miraculous. If I can reframe my thinking early on in the day, and make the conscious decision to neither ask for, nor expect anything in particular, I find that some beautiful surprise is always waiting for me, just around the corner. I've learned this lesson so many times in my life, from getting into a challenging yoga pose, to making it through an awful traffic jam, but I still struggle with getting into this mindset. I still get caught up in my to-do list, or my selfish wish list for the day. Fortunately, I managed to mentally put everything aside today, and just enjoyed the day. Here are some of the beautiful moments I was rewarded with:

We had treats this morning after our adventure getting to music class.

Mattie learned how to play Uno.

And won.

A few quiet moments with Theo, the way only I get to see him.

Some time in the snow.

Jack created an I Spy collection.

Sixteen homemade soft pretzels. (I wasn't fast enough with the camera to capture more than the last three!)

And then, the babysitter came. Happy snow day everyone!

Kid Therapy

THEN...

I can't believe it. Theo is one today. YAY! I still have his birth announcement hanging on my desk and the side of my refrigerator. It seems like just a few months ago. He is climbing and talking, almost walking, and in every way a new little toddler. I feel sad when I think about the fact that I no longer have a baby in the house. I also worry that the easy part is over! It's easy to be an unattached adult. It's also easy to be the parent of a baby. But, parenting toddlers and adolescents, now there's a challenge for even the strongest among us. Add a few other children into the mix, and you have the making of an Olympic caliber endurance sport! Parenting older kids requires lots of love, and grace under pressure. Every day you will find yourself thrown into situations that require you to act (or react) calmly, quickly, and smartly. We rise to the challenge in order to teach our children how to manage their behavior and emotions. But, it's easier said than done. We have to manage our  behavior and emotions first. It's not enough to tell our kids what we want them to learn. We have to show them. We have to live as an example. Think about it. When things aren't going well, are we truly patient? Unselfish? Kind? Good listeners? Honest? Work well with others? Do our best? Well, if we didn't quite learn all of these things perfectly ourselves as kids, we get a second chance as parents! This is something I find to be really difficult, especially in times of stress. And it is what I like to call "Kid Therapy". It forces us to confront our weaknesses and shortcomings. Interacting with our kids when they're stressed, we get to practice how to handle ourselves. It's how parenthood teaches us to be better people, and how we grow into our roles as parents. So, as I look at my sweet new toddler Theo, and Mattie, Elliot and Jack, I'm thinking about our future years together, and all the lessons I'll help them learn, while I'm still learning along the way.

...AND NOW