The Perfect Life

It's 10:00 at night. It's our last night at my in-laws'; tomorrow we head back to Boston. The kids are all in bed at last. My in-laws have gone upstairs. Everyone else has gone home. I find myself sitting in semi-darkness at the dining room table, reflecting on the week. I had a wonderful time here. I loved being able to just open the front door and let the kids outside at any time of day to play. We discovered several new favorite activities right here in the neighborhood, from fishing in the pond, to walking and biking on the trail, to playing in a nearby creek. And as always, we spent every evening in the company of Ted's siblings and their children.

As many of you know, we have been talking (ad nauseum) about moving for the last year or so. We are continually discussing whether or not to leave Boston, and if we do, where we should move. We spend most of our time discussing various towns in MA. But, after weeks like this one, we inevitably revisit the idea of moving closer to our families.

I find these discussions exhausting and frustrating. Ever the perfectionist, I am looking for the perfect place to live, to lead the ideal life. In this case, it would mean a great town, with a reasonable cost of living, lots of outdoor space and activities for families, lots of sunny weather, a big house with a bigger yard, close to Ted's (equally perfect) job, and within a few miles of all of our relatives. When this option doesn't readily present itself, I find myself unable to choose between any of the other, less perfect options at all. So, we find ourselves slowly growing grey right where we are. (Which is not a bad place at all, but does fall somewhat short of my dream place.)

I can't speak for anyone else, but I know that I have found certain aspects of adulthood overwhelming. I felt very sure of myself as a child, and always knew which way I was pointed and where I was headed. I had my plans and goals outlined in front of me clearly. It was easy to make the "right" choices and work towards them. I knew that I wanted to enjoy high school, travel abroad, go to Princeton, and get married and have a family soon after college. I did all those things, just as planned. But, I found that my life wasn't laid out so clearly after that. While I sometimes enjoy taking hold of destiny's reigns, I also struggle at times with the myriad of choices I have, and still find myself hoping to catch a glimpse of a path, laid out clearly before me.

My Full House

My mom is visiting this week. Ted is in CA for 5 days and, as if often the case, I asked my mom to come stay with me while he's gone. We used to have a guest room with a comfortable queen sized bed, but over the last few years, we've started to run out of space around here. What was once the guest room became Mattie's room sometime in 2007. We were able to keep the queen bed, but added his crib to the room. Elliot had recently moved into a twin bed himself, so we moved the crib that he had been sleeping in down into our room. That way, we had two twin beds in Jack and Elliot's room, a queen bed and a crib in Mattie's room, and our bed and an extra crib in our room. It worked out nicely that way for a long time. When we had guests, we would move Mattie into the crib in our room, and we could still use his room as a guest room. But, when Theo arrived, we had to move things around again. We had to put a bigger bed in Mattie's room, so the guest bed had to go. On this visit, Grammy is bunking with Jack (in Elliot's bed,) and I moved Elliot onto an air mattress in Mattie's room. Theo is still in his little nest in my room. When Ted comes home, we'll have 7 people sleeping in three bedrooms.

I have an appointment tomorrow to see a house for rent in Norwell. (Ted and I have been talking seriously about moving since this time last year. Mostly, we do a lot of talking.) I drove by the house on Tuesday to get a preview. Norwell is a great town, with great schools (especially their middle school, owing to the fact that they have such an extraordinary principal.) The house is situated on a big, beautiful lot, with plenty of room for a garden, woods to romp in, and enough room left over for a regulation wiffle ball field. But, as I sat parked in the driveway, looking up at the house, it looked empty and lonely. Our house may be small, but it is full of love. My boys can't get enough of each other (or me, for that matter.)

As I write this, Elliot is asleep in my bed (owing entirely to the fact that he and Elliot enjoy each others' company so much that they can't fall asleep.) When I'm done, I'll carry him up into Mattie's room. Grammy will go to sleep with Jack in his room. I'll climb into bed beside Theo. We'll all dream of life in our full house, all night long.