va·ca·tion (n)

On our most recent road trip, we went back to the beach town where I went every summer growing up. I have so many fond memories there. It is one of the most peaceful and relaxing places I can think of. However, I found this vacation to be about as relaxing as my average day at work, which is to say, not relaxing at all.

Traveling with your children is like working from a remote location. While the scenery may be much more beautiful, it is not a break from work at all. We certainly had some of those blissful moments on our trip, when I realized that everyone was happy and enjoying themselves at the same time. No one was crying or whining, complaining or fighting. I would look around and smile, trying to take it all in and savor it, for as long as it would last. But, inevitably, the magic moment ended, and it was back to work as usual.

Vacation can be defined 4 ways.

va·ca·tion /veɪˈkeɪʃən, və-/ Show Spelled[vey-key-shuhn] – noun

1. a period of suspension of work, study, or other activity, usually used for rest, recreation, or travel; recess or holiday: 

2. a part of the year, regularly set aside, when normal activities of law courts, legislatures, etc., are suspended.

3. freedom or release from duty, business, or activity.

4. an act or instance of vacating.

But what I think I have realized on all of our family trips is that my idea of a vacation is quite different than traveling with kids. The vacation I am thinking of can only be defined one way.

va·ca·tion /veɪˈkeɪʃən, və-/ Show Spelled[vey-key-shuhn] – noun
1. a trip with no kids. 

Hopefully someday, not too many years from now, I'll get to take another one. 

Vacation Flashback

Massachusetts has the strange tradition of not having a Spring or Easter vacation. Instead, we celebrate the inexplicable (at least to those who grew up elsewhere) traditions of February and April vacations. I have come to appreciate several things about this unique school calendar. First of all, there are two weeks of vacation instead of one. Second, it's a great opportunity to travel when the rest of the country is in school and at work. We spent our most recent April vacation visiting my parents in PA. We had a great week, but like any trip involving four young children, there were plenty of unexpected twists as well.

The kids spent lots of time outdoors, playing baseball and riding their bikes. I can never get enough of sending Jack and Elliot out the front door alone to play! They got to go see a Phillies game with Ted and my Dad. We made several trips to our favorite Wilson Park, with the obligatory stop at Rita's Water Ice on the way home.

I took all four boys for haircuts, giving myself a rare break from the job. It was Theo's first professional haircut. Jack chose a buzz cut with a triangle shaped section of hair left long on top.

We visited with my 92 year old grandfather, who remarked how quiet the four boys were. I suspect that his hearing aids were turned way, WAY down.

We celebrated Mattie's 3 1/2 birthday.

We went to the Philadelphia Zoo with my parents. We were there from 10am until 3:30pm, which seemed like a really long day for the kids, but they had a blast. Theo was enjoying himself so much that he stayed awake the entire day. They had a neat Lego exhibit at the zoo, with lifesize versions of several endangered animals made entirely of Legos. The polar bear was amazing, and contained 96,000 pieces!

Unfortunately, after that part of the trip, things took a turn for the worse. After our wonderful day at the zoo, the kids went to bed normally. But, Theo started vomiting just after midnight that night. I spent most of the night up with him. Thankfully, the vomiting stopped the next morning. I thought we were in the clear by that afternoon, but then he started having diarrhea. That continue off and on through the night. The next morning was Friday, the day I had been planning to drive home to Boston. Alone with kids. I debated trying to go ahead with my plans, knowing that Theo was likely to have diarrhea blow outs on the road. While I thought things over, I breastfeed him. He started throwing up again, making the decision fairly easy.

He couldn't keep any milk down. He got worse very quickly that day, and I ended up taking him to the hospital that afternoon for fluids. When I took him home from the hospital, he still couldn't keep any breastmilk down, so I had to give him Pedialyte by syringe. I squirted 2 tsp. of Pedialyte into his mouth every 10 minutes while he was awake. But, just when we thought things were improving again that evening, my mother got sick. The three older boys were almost too excited to sleep, knowing that they were going to stay an extra day at Grammy and Pop Pop's. I crawled into bed myself, dreading the wake up calls I was sure would come. By 1:00 am I was throwing up myself. The only thoughts running through my head that night were, "how am I ever going to get back to Boston?" and " how many more dominoes are going to fall?" The answer to at least one question came quickly. By 3:00 am I was throwing up along side Mattie in the boys' bathroom.

Luckily this particular stomach bug seemed to be of short duration. While my father also succumbed during the night, only Mattie was still throwing up by the next morning. The grown ups felt awful, but we could at least function enough to take care of the kids. I gave up on any hopes of driving back to Boston alone that day, and called in reinforcements. Ted took the train down that morning, and arrived in time to help take care of Jack, who fell during the next night. We decided to make a break for it the next morning. It was Sunday, and 4 of the 6 of us had already had the bug. Ted had been scheduled to fly to DC that morning for work, but had to delay his trip for a day to help get us all home. I don't think my parents had ever been more relieved to get rid of us, or our germs. We made it home, with only one very neat, ziplock bag vomit incident in the car.

When we pulled into our parking space, relief washed over me. I had never been more happy to be home. Elliot never did get sick. Ted made it to DC before getting sick, and missing most of his conference. It was certainly one vacation I'll never forget. We may not be invited back for quite a while...

Vacation

Phew! We made it home from our vacation. It was wonderful at first, then started to go downhill, and finally ended up feeling like we would never make it home. But, I'll save the details for later. I just wanted to post a few pictures, and try this new slide show format.

Road Trip

The book I've been reading says that traveling across the country in a minivan is "the ultimate family bonding experience." If that's so, I've done some major bonding over the last few weeks with mine. We covered 900 miles of road last week, from Boston to PA, then VA, and back again. We loaded up the minivan with a dozen bags, 6 people, 3 bikes, 2 strollers, and one car top carrier. Here are some of those memorable moments.

Jack and Elliot were once again enthralled with Uncle Bill's Rock Band game. They couldn't get enough playing time. The most surprising and fun part of it for me, was realizing how well they were actually able to sing and play the drums. Their favorite songs were Eye of the Tiger, Hungry Like the Wolf, and Psycho Killer. Walking downstairs to find Elliot belting out the tune and Jack playing the drums was priceless. It also made them seem suddenly very grown up.

I also got to hear lots of stories from my verbose brood . Elliot shared some future plans with me. When he grows up, he's looking forward to being a lifeguard in Seaside Park, NJ. He plans to spend his summers there, and then buy a winter house in Princeton when he's 16, "because (he's) already in NJ." At first he told me he intended to work as a "business man" during the winter, until a new idea occurred to him suddenly. His new idea? To work at a "general store" for the winter. According to Elliot, "people need more food in winter, because it's cold and you can't pick things." But, he wanted my reassurance that, working in a general store, he could still have Saturdays and Sundays off so that he could make waffles for breakfast, and sometimes grits and bacon.

Jack, though not thinking about his future career so much, was also full of questions about other potential future plans. He wanted to know all about building and designing houses. Apparently he was doing research for his dream house. I found him drawing up the plans after we got home. (Click on either image to see them in larger scale.)

We made most of the 11+ hour drive home listening to Christmas carols and talking about our plans to put up our tree. We also made sure to take a few short breaks to practice singing Hungry Like the Wolf and Eye of the Tiger.

The Perfect Life

It's 10:00 at night. It's our last night at my in-laws'; tomorrow we head back to Boston. The kids are all in bed at last. My in-laws have gone upstairs. Everyone else has gone home. I find myself sitting in semi-darkness at the dining room table, reflecting on the week. I had a wonderful time here. I loved being able to just open the front door and let the kids outside at any time of day to play. We discovered several new favorite activities right here in the neighborhood, from fishing in the pond, to walking and biking on the trail, to playing in a nearby creek. And as always, we spent every evening in the company of Ted's siblings and their children.

As many of you know, we have been talking (ad nauseum) about moving for the last year or so. We are continually discussing whether or not to leave Boston, and if we do, where we should move. We spend most of our time discussing various towns in MA. But, after weeks like this one, we inevitably revisit the idea of moving closer to our families.

I find these discussions exhausting and frustrating. Ever the perfectionist, I am looking for the perfect place to live, to lead the ideal life. In this case, it would mean a great town, with a reasonable cost of living, lots of outdoor space and activities for families, lots of sunny weather, a big house with a bigger yard, close to Ted's (equally perfect) job, and within a few miles of all of our relatives. When this option doesn't readily present itself, I find myself unable to choose between any of the other, less perfect options at all. So, we find ourselves slowly growing grey right where we are. (Which is not a bad place at all, but does fall somewhat short of my dream place.)

I can't speak for anyone else, but I know that I have found certain aspects of adulthood overwhelming. I felt very sure of myself as a child, and always knew which way I was pointed and where I was headed. I had my plans and goals outlined in front of me clearly. It was easy to make the "right" choices and work towards them. I knew that I wanted to enjoy high school, travel abroad, go to Princeton, and get married and have a family soon after college. I did all those things, just as planned. But, I found that my life wasn't laid out so clearly after that. While I sometimes enjoy taking hold of destiny's reigns, I also struggle at times with the myriad of choices I have, and still find myself hoping to catch a glimpse of a path, laid out clearly before me.

For the Love of Nature

"In all things in nature, there is something of the marvelous." - Aristotle

We left home last Thursday headed for New York's Hudson Valley. As we pulled out of our parking space, Ted realized he had left his extra shoes inside the house. So, we pulled around front and parked the car momentarily on the street. Ted ran inside. He emerged minutes later, carrying not only the forgotten shoes, but a large, fuzzy orange caterpillar. He found the caterpillar crawling in the entryway to our house. (Mother Nature is no stranger to the city.) Back in the car, he handed the caterpillar to Elliot. Normally our most social and vocal child, Elliot spent the next few hours ensconced in his own world, holding and playing with the caterpillar. (He only dropped it a a few times, and only once lost it down the leg of his shorts.) Neither Ted nor I could get over the entertainment value of the caterpillar. We encountered terrible traffic on the Mass Pike, so decided to get off. Our detour took us, quite unexpectedly, to Purgatory Chasm, where we had a picnic lunch and played outside. While at the playground there, Elliot happened upon two more caterpillars, this time smaller green and black ones. He added them to the cup he was carrying his first one in. Moments later, the fuzzy orange caterpillar attacked one of the smaller ones, fatally wounding it. Elliot was angry at his former pet. He labelled the orange caterpillar "mean" and decided not keep him any longer. He held on to the surviving green and black caterpillar, who made it with us all the way to the Residence Inn Poughkeepsie.

About 2 years ago I read the Omnivore's Dilemna, immediately followed by Animal Vegetable, Miracle. These were truly books that changed my life. I couldn't stop talking about them. After hearing me, my sister-in-law lent me a book she had read called Last Child in the Woods. While I can't say that I loved it as much as the first two, it definitely had a profound impact on my parenting. I have always found peace and beauty in nature, especially alone. I certinaly hope that my four boys will grow up feeling a similar close bond with nature. But, the book made me realize that this bond will not cultivate itself. I need to create and provide opportunities for my children to fall in love with nature, if I want them to grow up loving nature as I do. This awakening has changed the way I think about our time outdoors.

On Friday, we woke up in Poughkeepsie and drove to the Vanderbilt Mansion. It is a beautiful and lavishly impressive home that is certainly worth a visit. Most people stop by for an hour or so, take the tour of the home, perhaps walk around the gardens, then get back in their cars to head to another destination. We spent the entire day there. Jack and Elliot played wiffle ball with Ted in the grass. Mattie rode his bike along the sidewalks. Theo lounged in the grass, holding toys and looking up at the trees. We followed the path of the river that winds through the estate. (Only one park ranger stopped to make sure our children, who were playing along the river bank on a steep embankment, were being "adequately supervised.") We took a hike on the Hyde Park Trail. The boys played inside the thick branches of a pine tree, discovering a dark, cool, hideaway inside. We found the old carriage house, saw the Hudson River, and looked for bugs. To some people, it might seem like we wasted a lot of our time in Hyde Park, spending an entire day at the Vanderbilt Mansion. After all, there are many other homes and things to see in the area. But, I've started to see our time spent in nature as a destination in and of itself. Even when they're "doing nothing," the kids are getting something. Ted and I were able to relax and enjoy the outdoors ourselves, something we are rarely able to do. The estate provided the perfect outdoor playground for the kids. There were few people, even fewer cars, and lots of land. Their imaginations reigned as they discovered each area they explored. They could stray farther away from us than they ever can in the city. Hopefully, they had some of those special, private moments in nature that forge the life long bond we hope they'll have. For us, it was the perfect vacation spot, and another perfect day outdoors.