Thoughts from the Circus

I went to the circus a few weeks ago with Mattie and his class. During the final curtain call, I noticed that most of the performers were siblings, or groups of siblings. In fact, excluding the animal trainers and clowns, all but one of the groups of performers were siblings. Suddenly, and entirely unexpectedly, I had one of those transcendent mommy moments sitting there in the dark circus tent, surrounded by 50 preschooler and their parents. In the way that only a mother feels, my heart swelled to think of the profound bond that each group of performers had with their siblings, allowing them to entrust their lives to each other at each performance. With my heart in my throat I thought, this is what I want for my children.

My happy, weepy moment reminded me of a phenomenal parenting book that I read earlier this year called Siblings Without Rivalry. Like most parents of multiple children, I spend a (very) large part of my time listening to and dealing with sibling squabbles. But I always found it impossible to empathize with the boys, or even understand the fighting and meanness between them. This book put the whole concept of sibling rivalry into a different context for me. For the first time, I could actually imagine myself in my kids' shoes. Looking at family life from their perspective, I find it easier now to focus my energy and attention on each boy individually, giving them more of that personal love that they are fighting for. I also ignore and diffuse the negative attention drives much more successfully. Our house may still be full of squabbles, but I have noticed some very dramatic changes since reading the book. Of course, I still have my lofty hopes that they'll grow to trust and rely on each other like the acrobats on the flying trapeze. But in the meantime, I'll settle for having their feet on the ground and being kind to one another once and a while. If that sounds nice to you too, I highly recommend this book.