Raising to the Challenge

I had the pleasure to join two new moms' groups this year. The first was for new moms in general, where I happened to be the only non first-time mom in the group. Then later, I joined a second time mom's group, where I was the only mother of more than two in the group. At the first meeting of both groups, I introduced myself as a mother of four. Each time there was a quiet, but collective gasp, followed by lots of "wows". But, what I remember most was the look in the other mothers' eyes. They were looking for reassurance, for me to tell them, to promise them, that things would get easier. And it certainly does change quickly after those first few weeks with a newborn. But, I won't lie. I don't really think it gets easier. Theo, at 8 months, is the easiest child to parent in my house, and he has been since the day he was born. He doesn't talk. He doesn't run away. He doesn't fall down, limp on the floor wearing no clothes when we absolutely have to walk out the door in 60 seconds or less. He doesn't hit his brothers. He doesn't get detentions. He doesn't flood the house. He doesn't run out in front of traffic or forget to look when he's crossing the street. He's cheerful and happy, almost all of the time. He thanks me, with smiles and cuddles, for all of my hard work. And, he never misbehaves. Parenthood is a marathon, the likes of which I've never known. Part of the reason that it doesn't get easier is that it never stops. Every day my boys challenge me anew in ways I could never have dreamed of. Trying to figure out how to discipline a child in such a way that he is rewarded for good behavior, and punished for the bad, yet somehow gets from it what he needs to grow up to be happy, healthy and kind is so infinitely harder than trying to figure out whether your baby is tired or hungry, even at 2 o'clock in the morning. Parenting a child through their worst moments, when the bad things they do outnumber the good 10 to 1, with patience, fairness and love can bring me to me knees the way no sleepless night ever could. And the weight of guiding those babies to be happy, well-adjusted adults grows much, much heavier before it grows lighter. I don't know when it gets easier, or if it ever does. I'll keep reassuring the new moms I meet. I think they need it. I know I need it. I still have those new mommy moments myself. When I meet a mother whose children are grown, I can almost feel myself staring deep into her eyes for the same reassurance. If you're one of those moms, just promise me that it does.