Breaking the Law

Every morning Jack and Elliot get up, get dressed, then come upstairs to eat breakfast. It doesn't make for the cleanest school clothes, but it makes getting up and getting ready go quickly and smoothly. Mattie still goes to pre-school, so he gets to leave later in the morning. We've always let him eat breakfast in his pajamas, then get dressed after the big boys leave. But, this hasn't been working so well lately. The more I expect him to undress and dress independently, the more he has been digging his heels in and doing nothing. So, I decided to take a short cut, and get him dressed at night. Now, on school nights, he picks out his clothes for the next day and wears them to bed. What a difference! He gets out of bed, and is practically ready to walk out the door. Everything was going great, until Jack remembered something he had read. "Sleeping in your day clothing is against the law in Boston." So, while we have solved one problem, we have simultaneously created a new one. Now, mornings go smoothly, but bedtime tortures Jack!

A Night to Remember

(Written Tuesday night.)
Do you know that feeling when you've been stuck in a negative rut? You feel like it's been going on far too long, but don't know how to turn things around? That's how I've felt lately about parenting. And it's miserable. I've had too few hours of sleep, too little patience, and not enough thanks for far too long. For me, a stay at home mom, these ruts can be overwhelming, as parenting is, basically, my whole life. So, I had to stop for a moment tonight, even though it's after 11:00, and long past my bedtime, to write this down. I had the most wonderful dinner with the boys tonight. It was so unexpected, and well, frankly, enjoyable, that I couldn't go on being thankless a moment longer. What was so special about this dinner? I got to sit down. For the entire meal. No one misbehaved. We all talked and laughed. The boys even ate. How did we manage to accomplish this? To start with, it was early. We weren't rushed. So, I took the time to call everyone upstairs when dinner was ready and insist that everyone pitch in to get it on the table. I gave the older kids several jobs, including serving their younger siblings. I made sure that the boys put my food on the table as well. And when they finally sat down, I pointed out that I was sitting down too, and would not be getting up to help anyone else during the meal. I also gave out quite a stern warning that I would not tolerate any criticisms or complaints at the table, and that anyone who did not behave politely would be asked to leave the table, and not invited back. I explained that I had cooked the meal, and that it was the only one I was making. I expected everyone to try it, and if they didn't care to eat it, they had to take care of themselves. Something in my demeanor must have signaled that I meant business (either that, or the kids were afraid I was finally going to snap.) Whichever it was, it worked. All four boys helped set the table politely, sat down nicely, and we even got to talk to each other. They each ate some of the dinner I had prepared (flounder, rice and broccoli,) but each one also had a piece of toast. Jack made his own, and Elliot graciously offered to make one for himself, Mattie and Theo. They got out everything they needed, and I was able to sit down the whole time. It was nothing short of miraculous. It hasn't happened again, and it probably won't for another year at least, but boy did I enjoy that night. And thankfully, it was just what I need to snap out of that rut.

Rainy Day Fun

I'm getting pretty tired of rainy days. For my own sanity, I've felt the need to come up with some fun (and time consuming!) rainy day activities. I was inspired this year by two books I read about crafting in the home, and have been trying to make time for more fun, creative activities. This week of rain has been a perfect excuse for it! In case you're looking for something similar to do at your house, I thought I'd share the fun!

So far this week, we've...

made plate-sized pancakes for lunch,

rebuilt a Lego castle that Mattie got for Christmas,

made our own playdough, 

planted wheat grass, 

including some experimental growth mediums,

and made pet rocks.

The end of the season

Tonight was our last hockey practice of the season. As I started the oh-so-familiar routine once again, I thought how glad I was that the season was over. Like every other Monday, Wednesday and Thursday, I rushed everyone home from school, hurried to get the older boys started on their homework, raced to get dinner on the table by 4:00, packed up an evening's worth of snacks, drinks and diapers, and somehow got 4 distracted boys out of the house and into the car. Through it all, I kept telling myself, "this is the last time you have to do this this year. Just be patient and breathe, and get through this evening." It worked. We made it into the car on time, sailed through the traffic on the expressway, and pulled into the rink 15 minutes before ice time.

By this point in the year, it seems like hockey season has been going on forever. In truth, it has only been 6 months. But the commitment is so extreme, and you spend so much time at the rink, that it weighs on you. Since September, we have spent 2-3 hours at the rink, 5 days a week. And as much as I dread the rushed afternoons and the homework cramming stress, making dinner at lunch each day, and dragging four boys through rush hour traffic to and from the rink, I love hockey.

As I rounded everyone up to come back home from the rink tonight, I felt like I was leaving college for the summer, or heading home from overnight camp. Saying "goodbye," and "we'll see you in September," seemed so strange, so wrong. For each child who makes the commitment to play on a hockey team, there are parents and siblings who (willingly or not!) make the same time commitment to make it possible. During the season, the rink is a huge part of our life together. Jack and Elliot play pick-up street hockey with the older kids while they take their turns on the ice. They do their homework in the referees locker room. Mattie and Theo play in the warm waiting room with the other younger siblings. The parents chat, watching the action on the ice, and more or less keeping an eye on the little ones. For me, it's a rare opportunity to be with so many other families with 3, 4 or more children. It's a place where kids are allowed to run around, and play largely unsupervised with each other, two things I'm finding increasingly rare these days. No one puts on airs or fancy clothes to sit around the frigid rink. We all huddle together in down coats and hooded sweatshirts and complain about how hard it is to fix dinner and get homework done on hockey nights. While no one would argue about the healthiness of it, we let our kids order candy, Powerade or frozen pizza from the snack bar, and watch the them share and enjoy it. There is no fear of dirty looks or judging stares from other parents. We're a team - kids and adults, on the ice and off. To me it's simple, and wonderful, and welcoming. And, just as I knew I would, I think I miss it already.

Maybe it's time to start looking for a summer hockey league, just to get us through to September...

Fall down. Get back up. Fall down. Get back up. Fall down. Get back up. 

Hockey teaches kids more than just how to skate.

Snowflakes and Compliments

It's almost Spring in Boston (or so we keep telling ourselves!) Every time I gaze out the windows, I see one of our special memories. We decorated the windows of our house with snowflakes this winter. It started way back in November, before a single flake had fallen, when the thought of winter still felt inviting and pleasant. I'm not sure exactly where I got the initial inspiration, but once we started making snowflakes, we couldn't stop! Elliot and Jack helped out as well, making lots of twelve-sided beauties. From a pack of recyclcd printer paper, each one was cut out individually, and they are all beautifully unique. I'm getting ready to take them down for Spring, and I'm not sure if we'll ever do it again, but I hope the kids remember the winter we looked out at the world through snowflakes, and smile.

We also started a new tradition recently that I call the compliments jar. We have colored index cards that anyone can write a compliment down on, then fold it in half, and drop it in the jar. (The lid doesn't have a top, just a rim.) The only rule, is that you can't write a compliment about yourself. About once a week, when we are all together, we take out all the folded cards, and take turns reading the compliments. Everyone loves hearing the praise! I do most of the writing, but Jack and Elliot have also joined in and added compliments not just about their siblings, but about Ted and me as well. I try to think of at least one thing to compliment someone on each day, so we usually end up reading 5-8 cards at a time. I often notice the kids peering into the jar, to see if any new compliments have appeared. Their eyes light up as they ponder who they might about!

Snow Days

I tend to find snow days frustrating. The few hours that the kids are in school are often the only weekday hours when I can count on getting something done. But I have found, on these days, that if I can relax and let go, giving in to the day, I am often rewarded by something only slightly short of the miraculous. If I can reframe my thinking early on in the day, and make the conscious decision to neither ask for, nor expect anything in particular, I find that some beautiful surprise is always waiting for me, just around the corner. I've learned this lesson so many times in my life, from getting into a challenging yoga pose, to making it through an awful traffic jam, but I still struggle with getting into this mindset. I still get caught up in my to-do list, or my selfish wish list for the day. Fortunately, I managed to mentally put everything aside today, and just enjoyed the day. Here are some of the beautiful moments I was rewarded with:

We had treats this morning after our adventure getting to music class.

Mattie learned how to play Uno.

And won.

A few quiet moments with Theo, the way only I get to see him.

Some time in the snow.

Jack created an I Spy collection.

Sixteen homemade soft pretzels. (I wasn't fast enough with the camera to capture more than the last three!)

And then, the babysitter came. Happy snow day everyone!

Waiting to die

Out of the blue last week, Mattie starting talking about not wanting to die. I'm not sure whether he heard something at school, or whether he's just at that age where time and space start to make more sense. Over the weekend, his comments became more frequent, and it became clear that he was more than just working something out, he was afraid. I realized that I had never stopped to talk about death with him. With older siblings in the house, sometimes I assume that Mattie has figured things out or picked them up by assimilation, until I'm suddenly reminded that I've neglected something important. So, I talked to him. I told him that when you die, your eyes close like you're sleeping, and your body stops moving. I told him that what's inside of you, your soul, goes to Heaven and keeps on living. I told him that Heaven was where God lived, and that once you live in Heaven, you never die again; you live forever. I told him that Heaven was beautiful, and that we will all be together in Heaven. These few simplified statements made him feel much better. I could tell at once that he was relieved and no longer afraid. I felt good too, knowing that we had gotten over this "big" question. I also felt thankful for the reminder that, as a Catholic parent, I wasn't doing my job to teach Mattie about the basics of our religion, but that in those few moments, I had taken an important step in that education. Then, this morning, Mattie jumped out of bed and announced, "I can't wait to die! Can't you not wait to die too, Mama?" and ran upstairs for breakfast. He told me the same thing four more times before I dropped him off at school. Now, I think I'm traumatized.

My Christmas Card

Jack presented me with this wonderful card on the last day of school before Christmas. My kids aren't known for being overly grateful or appreciative, so I'm going to have to hold on to this one for a VERY long time. I love that it also offers a glimpse into two of the current influences in his life, church and Super Mario Brothers.

(Theo helped with that shot.)

Quote of the Day

Elliot lost a glove at school on Friday. We went back inside after pick up, to search his locker thoroughly. Along with a few dozen other pieces of paper, and lots of crumpled up artwork, I found this:

"mom I staded in for recess because I for got to bring in my letters and I was playing with the dradle when I was not supposta."

And this gem, from Jack, on the way home from hockey tonight:

Jack: I wish you would work.
Me: Why?
Jack: Well, I wish you would get a job at Dunkin Donuts!
Me: Is that because you think I would bring home donuts every night to help fatten you up?
Jack: (Giggling.) Yes! Actually, I think I want you to work at Jae's. But, most of the people who work there are Chinese, so you might not fit in. (Sigh.) Just like Rudolph.

New Rollerblades

Elliot has been asking for rollerblades almost daily for the last few weeks. I finally took him to Target yesterday and bought him a pair. I know that rollerblading and ice skating are very similar, but it was still amazing to see Elliot buckle on the skates and take off. He put them on at the store, and wore them home. He barely took them off during the remainder of the day. He even wore them to the park in the afternoon, and skated around the tot lot instead of playing. I was beginning to worry that he would ask to sleep in them, but he seemed to have had his fill by bedtime. Here he is a few minutes after heading out the door. I can't help but picture a Sonic carhop job somewhere in his future...

Cwms [kooms]

We visited my parents this past weekend. The boys took advantage of every opportunity to play with their game-loving grandfather. Yesterday, Elliot played "Spill and Spell" with Pop Pop. I was playing with the other boys across the room, but heard Pop Pop say, with a chuckle, "Now that definitely is not a word." Elliot insisted that it was. Jack, hearing all of this as well, ran over the table to offer his "official" verdict. Jack took one look at the letter dice, and confidently declared that Elliot was right. The word in question was "cwms". Neither Pop Pop nor I recognized the word. So, how did Elliot and Jack both know it? Computer Scrabble. They have both spent hours playing against the computer, and have learned dozens of unusual 2, 3 and 4 letter words. They can't pronounce them, or tell you what they mean, but they know they are words (according to the official Scrabble dictionary at least!) Watch out, should you decide to play against them. And, certainly, don't challenge their words!

Quotes of the Day

"I have lots of room in my wallet. Could you just give me a credit card? Please, Mama? I need some lots of money. Ok?"

- Mattie









"Thank you for making a cake for us.

I mean me.

I mean everyone."

-Elliot, trying to set it right, after his initial attempt at thanking me for making myself a birthday cake. Ted and I just couldn't keep a straight face. Elliot knew he wasn't getting it right, but somehow managed to say something funnier each time!