The end of the season

Tonight was our last hockey practice of the season. As I started the oh-so-familiar routine once again, I thought how glad I was that the season was over. Like every other Monday, Wednesday and Thursday, I rushed everyone home from school, hurried to get the older boys started on their homework, raced to get dinner on the table by 4:00, packed up an evening's worth of snacks, drinks and diapers, and somehow got 4 distracted boys out of the house and into the car. Through it all, I kept telling myself, "this is the last time you have to do this this year. Just be patient and breathe, and get through this evening." It worked. We made it into the car on time, sailed through the traffic on the expressway, and pulled into the rink 15 minutes before ice time.

By this point in the year, it seems like hockey season has been going on forever. In truth, it has only been 6 months. But the commitment is so extreme, and you spend so much time at the rink, that it weighs on you. Since September, we have spent 2-3 hours at the rink, 5 days a week. And as much as I dread the rushed afternoons and the homework cramming stress, making dinner at lunch each day, and dragging four boys through rush hour traffic to and from the rink, I love hockey.

As I rounded everyone up to come back home from the rink tonight, I felt like I was leaving college for the summer, or heading home from overnight camp. Saying "goodbye," and "we'll see you in September," seemed so strange, so wrong. For each child who makes the commitment to play on a hockey team, there are parents and siblings who (willingly or not!) make the same time commitment to make it possible. During the season, the rink is a huge part of our life together. Jack and Elliot play pick-up street hockey with the older kids while they take their turns on the ice. They do their homework in the referees locker room. Mattie and Theo play in the warm waiting room with the other younger siblings. The parents chat, watching the action on the ice, and more or less keeping an eye on the little ones. For me, it's a rare opportunity to be with so many other families with 3, 4 or more children. It's a place where kids are allowed to run around, and play largely unsupervised with each other, two things I'm finding increasingly rare these days. No one puts on airs or fancy clothes to sit around the frigid rink. We all huddle together in down coats and hooded sweatshirts and complain about how hard it is to fix dinner and get homework done on hockey nights. While no one would argue about the healthiness of it, we let our kids order candy, Powerade or frozen pizza from the snack bar, and watch the them share and enjoy it. There is no fear of dirty looks or judging stares from other parents. We're a team - kids and adults, on the ice and off. To me it's simple, and wonderful, and welcoming. And, just as I knew I would, I think I miss it already.

Maybe it's time to start looking for a summer hockey league, just to get us through to September...

Fall down. Get back up. Fall down. Get back up. Fall down. Get back up. 

Hockey teaches kids more than just how to skate.

Snowflakes and Compliments

It's almost Spring in Boston (or so we keep telling ourselves!) Every time I gaze out the windows, I see one of our special memories. We decorated the windows of our house with snowflakes this winter. It started way back in November, before a single flake had fallen, when the thought of winter still felt inviting and pleasant. I'm not sure exactly where I got the initial inspiration, but once we started making snowflakes, we couldn't stop! Elliot and Jack helped out as well, making lots of twelve-sided beauties. From a pack of recyclcd printer paper, each one was cut out individually, and they are all beautifully unique. I'm getting ready to take them down for Spring, and I'm not sure if we'll ever do it again, but I hope the kids remember the winter we looked out at the world through snowflakes, and smile.

We also started a new tradition recently that I call the compliments jar. We have colored index cards that anyone can write a compliment down on, then fold it in half, and drop it in the jar. (The lid doesn't have a top, just a rim.) The only rule, is that you can't write a compliment about yourself. About once a week, when we are all together, we take out all the folded cards, and take turns reading the compliments. Everyone loves hearing the praise! I do most of the writing, but Jack and Elliot have also joined in and added compliments not just about their siblings, but about Ted and me as well. I try to think of at least one thing to compliment someone on each day, so we usually end up reading 5-8 cards at a time. I often notice the kids peering into the jar, to see if any new compliments have appeared. Their eyes light up as they ponder who they might about!

Snow Days

I tend to find snow days frustrating. The few hours that the kids are in school are often the only weekday hours when I can count on getting something done. But I have found, on these days, that if I can relax and let go, giving in to the day, I am often rewarded by something only slightly short of the miraculous. If I can reframe my thinking early on in the day, and make the conscious decision to neither ask for, nor expect anything in particular, I find that some beautiful surprise is always waiting for me, just around the corner. I've learned this lesson so many times in my life, from getting into a challenging yoga pose, to making it through an awful traffic jam, but I still struggle with getting into this mindset. I still get caught up in my to-do list, or my selfish wish list for the day. Fortunately, I managed to mentally put everything aside today, and just enjoyed the day. Here are some of the beautiful moments I was rewarded with:

We had treats this morning after our adventure getting to music class.

Mattie learned how to play Uno.

And won.

A few quiet moments with Theo, the way only I get to see him.

Some time in the snow.

Jack created an I Spy collection.

Sixteen homemade soft pretzels. (I wasn't fast enough with the camera to capture more than the last three!)

And then, the babysitter came. Happy snow day everyone!

Waiting to die

Out of the blue last week, Mattie starting talking about not wanting to die. I'm not sure whether he heard something at school, or whether he's just at that age where time and space start to make more sense. Over the weekend, his comments became more frequent, and it became clear that he was more than just working something out, he was afraid. I realized that I had never stopped to talk about death with him. With older siblings in the house, sometimes I assume that Mattie has figured things out or picked them up by assimilation, until I'm suddenly reminded that I've neglected something important. So, I talked to him. I told him that when you die, your eyes close like you're sleeping, and your body stops moving. I told him that what's inside of you, your soul, goes to Heaven and keeps on living. I told him that Heaven was where God lived, and that once you live in Heaven, you never die again; you live forever. I told him that Heaven was beautiful, and that we will all be together in Heaven. These few simplified statements made him feel much better. I could tell at once that he was relieved and no longer afraid. I felt good too, knowing that we had gotten over this "big" question. I also felt thankful for the reminder that, as a Catholic parent, I wasn't doing my job to teach Mattie about the basics of our religion, but that in those few moments, I had taken an important step in that education. Then, this morning, Mattie jumped out of bed and announced, "I can't wait to die! Can't you not wait to die too, Mama?" and ran upstairs for breakfast. He told me the same thing four more times before I dropped him off at school. Now, I think I'm traumatized.

My Christmas Card

Jack presented me with this wonderful card on the last day of school before Christmas. My kids aren't known for being overly grateful or appreciative, so I'm going to have to hold on to this one for a VERY long time. I love that it also offers a glimpse into two of the current influences in his life, church and Super Mario Brothers.

(Theo helped with that shot.)

Quote of the Day

Elliot lost a glove at school on Friday. We went back inside after pick up, to search his locker thoroughly. Along with a few dozen other pieces of paper, and lots of crumpled up artwork, I found this:

"mom I staded in for recess because I for got to bring in my letters and I was playing with the dradle when I was not supposta."

And this gem, from Jack, on the way home from hockey tonight:

Jack: I wish you would work.
Me: Why?
Jack: Well, I wish you would get a job at Dunkin Donuts!
Me: Is that because you think I would bring home donuts every night to help fatten you up?
Jack: (Giggling.) Yes! Actually, I think I want you to work at Jae's. But, most of the people who work there are Chinese, so you might not fit in. (Sigh.) Just like Rudolph.

New Rollerblades

Elliot has been asking for rollerblades almost daily for the last few weeks. I finally took him to Target yesterday and bought him a pair. I know that rollerblading and ice skating are very similar, but it was still amazing to see Elliot buckle on the skates and take off. He put them on at the store, and wore them home. He barely took them off during the remainder of the day. He even wore them to the park in the afternoon, and skated around the tot lot instead of playing. I was beginning to worry that he would ask to sleep in them, but he seemed to have had his fill by bedtime. Here he is a few minutes after heading out the door. I can't help but picture a Sonic carhop job somewhere in his future...

Cwms [kooms]

We visited my parents this past weekend. The boys took advantage of every opportunity to play with their game-loving grandfather. Yesterday, Elliot played "Spill and Spell" with Pop Pop. I was playing with the other boys across the room, but heard Pop Pop say, with a chuckle, "Now that definitely is not a word." Elliot insisted that it was. Jack, hearing all of this as well, ran over the table to offer his "official" verdict. Jack took one look at the letter dice, and confidently declared that Elliot was right. The word in question was "cwms". Neither Pop Pop nor I recognized the word. So, how did Elliot and Jack both know it? Computer Scrabble. They have both spent hours playing against the computer, and have learned dozens of unusual 2, 3 and 4 letter words. They can't pronounce them, or tell you what they mean, but they know they are words (according to the official Scrabble dictionary at least!) Watch out, should you decide to play against them. And, certainly, don't challenge their words!

Quotes of the Day

"I have lots of room in my wallet. Could you just give me a credit card? Please, Mama? I need some lots of money. Ok?"

- Mattie









"Thank you for making a cake for us.

I mean me.

I mean everyone."

-Elliot, trying to set it right, after his initial attempt at thanking me for making myself a birthday cake. Ted and I just couldn't keep a straight face. Elliot knew he wasn't getting it right, but somehow managed to say something funnier each time!

Summer Reading

On a recent fall-like afternoon, I was relaxing on the couch nursing Theo, mindlessly watching TV.  I caught a rerun of 19 Kids and Counting. In it, Michelle Duggar said that she tries to praise her kids 10 times more than she criticizes them, and that someone once told her that when you compliment someone, you can multiply that praise by the number of people in the room who hear it. Her words of wisdom stuck with me, so here goes.

I had the pleasure of watching a small miracle unfold this summer. Jack and Elliot became book lovers. Both boys came home with some suggestions for summer reading, and I bought them each several promising titles. But, neither boy had any interest in reading when school let out in June. Frustrated, I decided to try something completely new. I offered the boys $1 for each chapter book they finished. I don't believe in paying kids to do something they should just do in the normal course of life, but I wanted a way to encourage them to read, that wouldn't require any involvement, nags or threats on my part. I was also interested in giving them a way to earn small amounts of money, to start teaching some spending lessons as well. So, I threw caution to the wind, and announced my payout promise to the boys. In my mind, I estimated that they were likely to read between 5 and 10 chapter books each during the summer.

Upon explaining the rules to the boys, they ran downstairs immediately, demanding their pile of books. And, amazingly, their enthusiasm never waned. Jack discovered a new favorite author. He read only Dan Gutman books all summer. Elliot continued with some familiar series, and got through the entire Magic Tree House collection. In total, Elliot read 37 books. Jack read 21. (On average, his books were slightly longer.) I am so incredibly proud of them. Not only did they exceed my loftiest hopes, but they discovered a joy that no amount of bribery could buy. All summer long I found them curled up with their books, nestled in corners and on the couch. They read in the car, and complained when the trips were too short. They read in bed, before and after lights out. I was so amazed, that I made them each type up a list of the books they read. I wanted them to be able to look back, years from now, and remember the stories they so enjoyed. Here they are:

Jack's List:
My Weird School #4 Miss Hannah is Bananas
MWS #5 Miss Small Is Off the Wall
MWS #6 Mr Hynde Is Out of His Mind
MWS #7 Mrs Cooney Is Looney
MWS #8 Miss Lagrange Is Strange
MWS #9 Miss Lazarre Is Bazarre
MWS 310Mr Docker Is Off His Rocker
MWS#11 Mirs Kormel Is Not Normal
MWS #12 Miss Todd Is Odd
MWS #13 Mrs Patty Is Batty
MWS #14 Miss Holly Is Too Jolly
MWS #15 Mr Macky Is Wacky
MWS #16 Miss Coco Is Loco
MWS #17 Miss Suki Is Kooky
Honus and Me
MWS #18 Mrs Yonkers Is Bonkers
MWS #19 Dr Carbles Is Losing His Marbles
MWS #20 Mr Louie Is Screwy
MWS #21 Miss Krup Cracks Me Up
My Weird School Daze #1 Mrs Dole Is Out of Control
MWSD #2 Mr Sunny Is Funny

Elliot's List:

Nate the Great
Nate the Great and the Sticky Case
Invisible Stanley
Stanley Flat Again
Nate the Great and the Missing Valentine
Nate the Great and the Missing Key
Flat Stanley
Nate the Graet and the missing pillowcase
Nate the Graet and the hallaween hunt
Flat Stanley
Magic Tree House #18 Buffalo before Breakfast
Magic Tree House #19 Tigers at Twilight
Hardy Boys Trouble at the Arcade
Mr. Docker is off his Rocker
Mrs. Kormel is Not Normal
Miss Lazar Bizarre
Magic Tree House # 20 Dingoes at Dinnertime
Magic Tree House #21 Civil War on Sunday
Magic Tree House #22 Revolution War on Wednesday
Magic Tree House # 23 Twister on Tuesday
Magic Tree House #24 Earthquake in the Early Morning
MTH #25 Stage Fright on a Summer Night
MTH #26 Good Morning, Gorillas
MTH #27 Thanksgiving on Thursday
MTH #28 High Tide in Hawaii
MWS 6 Mr Hynde is out of  His Mind
MTH #29 christmis in camelot
MTH #30 hanted castle on hallaween eve
MTH #31 summer of the sea serpent
MTH #32 winter of the ice wizard
MTH #33 carnival at candlelight
MTH #34 seasens of the sandstorms
MTH #35 night of the new magicians
MTH #36 blizzard on a blue moon
MTH #37 dragon of the red dawn
MTH #38 Monday with a mad genius
MTH  Dark day in the deep sea

Sleep

Sleep, is perhaps the most painful sacrifice of parenthood. Some kids are great sleepers, others are terrible, but almost all kids go through bouts of night wakings, depriving their parents of something they can't do their job without. We have had our share of it all, but it seems that we've been in a particularly long-lasting rut since Theo was born. He is not a great sleeper. Between our travels, teething (he has 3 of 4 molars at this point,) and illnesses, the last three months have been pretty bad. Add in the fact that he only sleeps 9 1/2 hours at night, and prefers to rise between 6 and 6:30, and it can be rough. His brothers like to do their part as well, choosing the nights that Theo sleeps soundly for their nighttime troubles. As I write this, Jack is upstairs in the bathroom, jolted awake by a full bladder, which resulted in a night terror. He hadn't had one in over a year, but his success with nighttime dryness has brought them back again. If he has to go to the bathroom early in the night, waking disturbs his sleep

patterns enough to launch a night terror. So, he's doing a beautiful job staying dry, but we're back to getting up to put him back to bed now too. Thankfully, there's Mattie. He is our best sleeper. I asked Ted last night if he could remember the last time Mattie woke up in the middle of the night. He couldn't. Neither can I. He sleeps from 7 to 7. I like to fantasize about what my life would be like if all of my kids slept like that. Ahhhh. Until that happens, I hope that you'll ignore my puffy eyes. And if I'm spacey, forgetful, or slow to respond, just nod and smile. Someday the boys will be teenagers, and sleep-in until noon. I just might then too.

Growing Up

It's been 2 1/2 months since my last blog entry. I had no intention of taking the summer off, but apparently that's what happened. We've had an incredibly busy summer. We visited family, went to the beach and Spain. While I was MIA, the kids have been busy growing up, as usual. We celebrated two birthdays. Jack turned 9; Elliot turned 7. I feel like I can handle 7 pretty well. After all, I've had a seven year old before. But, nine, that's a different story. Somehow, it feels like I've been preoccupied by pregnancies or a new baby for so long now, that Jack went and grew up while my back was turned. He graduated to riding in the car without a booster seat this summer. He measures slightly over 54" tall. Less than one foot separates us in height. He plays out in the alley alone, and was allowed to roam the neighborhood by himself for the first time this week. Increasingly, I find myself looking at him in awe. How did he get to be so big? How have nine years gone by so quickly? How much more time do I have before he's gone, ensconced in a world of friends, or moved away to school? Thankfully, he's still more little boy than big one. He still likes to hold my hand. He still waits for a kiss good night and to be tucked in. He looks for my permission before doing just about anything. But, somehow, without the tunnel vision focus of surviving a pregnancy or new baby, I have felt just the tiniest bit of heartache when I look at the boys this summer. I find myself trying to take every moment in and savor it, before it disappears. I feel like I have to hold on at all costs, lest another nine years pass by in the blink of an eye...