Family Rules

How often is it that we take an honest assessment of our own interpersonal strengths and weaknesses? For me, the answer is rarely. But, I found something that led me down just that path of introspection this week. I was cleaning out our kitchen junk drawer, and came across an old paper with our family rules written out.  It must have been buried in there for along time, but I took it out, and hung it up on the side of the refrigerator. I've been staring at it, and thinking about the rules all week. They were typed out, so I was able to find the original file on my computer and see when exactly we drafted them. It was August 19, 2008. I was really impressed at how appropriate and on target the rules were, given how long had passed since we wrote them. Amazingly, the rules cover the same issues we struggle with daily. But, as I stared at the five simple lines day after day this week, I began to think more about the behaviors that prompted them, and why those issues remain our constant struggles. I was inspired to create our own set of family rules after watching the various nanny shows on tv. I watch them religiously, and have a great deal of respect for their techniques. For every family they visit, they draft a unique set of rules. This is always their first step towards creating a better, happier family dynamic. So, I decided to write a set of rules for our family. That was back in 2008, and I never did anything more than that. But this week, as I looked at the rules stuck to the refrigerator, and thought about their inspiration, I also thought about what else the nannies do when they go into a home. They always focus on changing the parents' behavior. When they do that, the kids' behavior changes as a natural byproduct. And so, standing in the kitchen alone one day, staring at the refrigerator, it hit me. Those rules I wrote, that were so well thought out, and so timeless in their application, were for me too. Of course, in an adult way, I follow all of those rules. But, when I looked just slightly below the surface, I realized that those rules not only point out the kids' weaknesses, but mine as well. In an instant, I saw so clearly that one of the reason the kids struggle with those issues, is that I too struggle with them. I tell them one thing, then do another myself. It's hard when something like that hits you so unexpectedly. But, I also am excited by the feeling that a well-lit path has been laid out before me. Those rules are now my beacon.

I look at the piece of paper now, and marvel at how simple yet profoundly wise the five rules I wrote are. When I drew them up, I never realized how seriously they would be taken, least of all by me. They will definitely be staying on the refrigerator, and maybe in 5 or 6 more locations throughout the house, as an inspiration. After all, even an old dog can learn new tricks. Here they are:

The Bruntrager Family Rules
1. We are a team -- work together, help each other.
2. Be kind. Don't hurt anyone else.
3. LISTEN. Don't talk when other people are talking.
4. LISTEN. Do what you are told the first time.
5. No whining. Be polite.

And I've decided to add one more rule that seemed too import to leave out. It's another weakness of mine that I hope to turn into a strength:
6. Have fun!

 (These photos are from our annual Thanksgiving family talent show, where our family truly shined.)