It's 10:00 at night. It's our last night at my in-laws'; tomorrow we head back to Boston. The kids are all in bed at last. My in-laws have gone upstairs. Everyone else has gone home. I find myself sitting in semi-darkness at the dining room table, reflecting on the week. I had a wonderful time here. I loved being able to just open the front door and let the kids outside at any time of day to play. We discovered several new favorite activities right here in the neighborhood, from fishing in the pond, to walking and biking on the trail, to playing in a nearby creek. And as always, we spent every evening in the company of Ted's siblings and their children.
As many of you know, we have been talking (ad nauseum) about moving for the last year or so. We are continually discussing whether or not to leave Boston, and if we do, where we should move. We spend most of our time discussing various towns in MA. But, after weeks like this one, we inevitably revisit the idea of moving closer to our families.
I find these discussions exhausting and frustrating. Ever the perfectionist, I am looking for the perfect place to live, to lead the ideal life. In this case, it would mean a great town, with a reasonable cost of living, lots of outdoor space and activities for families, lots of sunny weather, a big house with a bigger yard, close to Ted's (equally perfect) job, and within a few miles of all of our relatives. When this option doesn't readily present itself, I find myself unable to choose between any of the other, less perfect options at all. So, we find ourselves slowly growing grey right where we are. (Which is not a bad place at all, but does fall somewhat short of my dream place.)
I can't speak for anyone else, but I know that I have found certain aspects of adulthood overwhelming. I felt very sure of myself as a child, and always knew which way I was pointed and where I was headed. I had my plans and goals outlined in front of me clearly. It was easy to make the "right" choices and work towards them. I knew that I wanted to enjoy high school, travel abroad, go to Princeton, and get married and have a family soon after college. I did all those things, just as planned. But, I found that my life wasn't laid out so clearly after that. While I sometimes enjoy taking hold of destiny's reigns, I also struggle at times with the myriad of choices I have, and still find myself hoping to catch a glimpse of a path, laid out clearly before me.
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